Issue #9, Spring 1997
I'm Cool, by Shannon
I've worked hard to be cool. I used to be a
wannabe, I'll admit that. But now I don't wannabe
anything. I like me. I gots self esteem.
I'm cool because I had my nose pierced but took it out when too many uncool people started getting it done. Now I have my eyebrow pierced. That's pretty cool, albeit not so original. But it looks way cooler than a retarded stud in the nose of some fat 30-year-old working at J. Kwinter. (Mmm...try their kid's meal.)
I'm cool because I'm in science at the University of Waterloo, and I still have a social life. Me and my friends are the cool kids at school. We make fun of the mathies and CS geeks. But not the engineers. The engineers are cool.
One thing that's cool is that I have a "home turf." The cool kids go to the cool bar, Phil's, on Thursdays. We know the DJ. He won't play My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult for me, but I know I'm still cool. Cos I'm a regular. Like at Cheers. Only with better music.
I'm cool because I got a car when I was 16. It had a cook nickname: "The Punk Rock Pony." But it died. So I sold it to be in a demolition derby. Who thought a mere hatchback could rise to such ranks of coolness?
I'm cool because I'm hip. I read Douglas Coupland, Details and the school newspaper. And Cygnals. I wear hip clothes. But I have discriminating tastes. That velour retro look is pure garbage. Velour reminds me of when I was 4 and I had to hold hands with Patrick, who sucked his thumb, in the circle in nursery school. Patrick is a loser.
I'm indie rock. Well, I used to be way more indie than I am now. I liked Green Day, Offspring, and countless others before all the 14-year-olds "discovered" them. Then i was cool enough to mock those who liked them, and I stopped wearing my concert shirts. But I still like Eric's Trip.
Independent theaters are cool. So I'm a member of the Princess Cinema in Waterloo. I see cool movies there, like Welcome To The Dollhouse. See it.
I'm cool because I'm not a jock. But I was a cheerleader for a short bit. That's cool in a fucked-up kinda way.
My hair is cool now. I did go through a decidedly wannabe bad hair period, but I wisened up and went to First Choice. I'm cool enough not to give a crap if they butcher my hair. But they don't butcher. They are professionals.
The most extremely cool thing about my life is that I have a great boyfriend. He is the exception to every "All guys are scum" theory. He would NEVER screw me over, and he is a good painter (internal coolness). He doesn't even need long hair to be cool. (I was, for quite some time, convinced that there was a correlation between male hair length and coolness -- with the obsession of all members of bands featuring the word "deth" in their names.)
I'm cool because I have a hip apartment and great roommates. We all have futons, and semi-disposable Swedish furniture in the living area.
I'm cool because I have a cool brother. He writes cool stuff and is witty. Wit is fucking cool. If everyone had wit, I wouldn't care if everyone had bad hair. (But as for now, again, folks, go to First Choice!! Say "no!"to layered hair!)
...Shannon
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