Issue #9, Spring 1997

Take the first annual, Choose-A-Urinal Challenge!

Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)...women are
on their own.  But, there IS a code of the restroom that MUST be followed.

The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room. An X above 
the number will indicate "in use."

(Sample)

|   |   | x |   |   | x |     indicates men are at stalls 3
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |     and 6.


You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you 
are to correctly stand. Good luck!

Easy Section

1)     |   | x |   | x |   |   |   (Stalls 2 and 4 occupied.)
       | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
       -------------------------

2)     | x |   |   |   |   |   |   (1 occupied.)
       | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
       -------------------------

Kind of Tricky Section

3)     |   |   |   |   |   |   |   (empty)
       | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
       --------------------------

4)     |   | x |   | x |   | x |     (2, 4 and 6 occupied)
       | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
       -------------------------

Subtle, Tricky, But Important To Know Section

5)     |   | x |   |   | x | x |      (2, 5 and 6 occupied)
       | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
       -------------------------

VERY Tricky Indeed Section

6)     | x | x |   |   | x | x |    (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)
       | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
       -------------------------

Answers:
1 (easy).   #6 -- It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively 
knows this.

2 (easy).   #6 -- Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being 
next to someone who arrives later.

3 (kind of tricky). #1 or #6 -- You are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone 
next to me."

4 (kind of tricky). #1 -- You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you 
minimize the  impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys 
if you can help it.

5 (HARD!). #4 -- Believe it or not,  1 and 3 "couple" you with the guy in 
stall 2. This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances 
cannot be explained.  Suffice to say, only we men would understand!

6 (DAMN HARD!).   NONE!  You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair 
or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go 
REAL, REAL BAD...for god's sake, man!...use a doored stall.

Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
-- NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and 
unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
-- Absolutely NO touching of anyone else.  Even the slightest touch of 
another's elbow is of the highest offense.
-- NO Singing.  Period.
-- Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. 
I will not look again."