may14.95
No candles tonight, my love
The moon is showing her face
And the thin high clouds are her blanket
No incense tonight, my love
The trees are in bloom, the flowers awake
The air is rich and full and sweet
No winter tonight, my dear
Trade snow for sand, wind for a sigh
Trade cold lonely nights for this time with you
No slippers tonight, my sweet
We walk barefoot through the cool grass
Stroll in the park, hand in hand
No crying tonight, my love
No others tonight, R.....
Tonight there's only you
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
a beautiful shade -- mar5.95
The ceiling is a beautiful shade of beige
It's almost like watching clouds, you know?
If you look long enough, you can see things
Sometimes I see faces .. sometimes happy places
But tonight it's just beige .. a beautiful shade.
To my left is a lamp. The only light on right now.
I don't so much like light, but I'm afraid of the dark.
Too much light hurts my eyes though.
So I bought the shade. It's such a beautiful shade.
I can feel the bruise rising on my cheek.
I wonder what colour it is.
Maybe purple .. a hue of royalty
Or maybe pink, a tender colour
But probably red .. a passionate shade.
A beautiful shade.
Red. Red and warm. Like fire.
It's burning. It hurts. It hurts.
It's hot it's burning and it hurts,
everywhere, all over.
especially there.
i close my eyes and don't find a shade of comfort,
just red, hot hurting burning fucking red
The shaking stopped. I think it's over.
I can feel it running down my leg.
Maybe he'll leave soon.
God, what a beautiful shade of beige it is tonight.
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
feb24.95.10:46p
You couldn't even bother
to stick around and see if I'd sink
After taking the weight
that you took off my shoulders
and dropping it squarely onto my soul
You lifted my spirits
and threw them down further
You heightened my trust
then hijacked my belief
You took my veil of cynicism
and used it as your canvas
To paint such a pretty picture
So as soon as I felt a spark
The whole thing went up in flames
And even six inches of ice and snow
couldn't soothe that burn
Then while the embers still glowed,
you hurriedly found other pictures to draw
While I sat drawn and quartered
And nickled and dimed and doomed
Now as things start to cool
I look up from the bottom of the pool
Where the waves distort your face
And I'm glad I can see you like this
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
dec11.94/1:30a
How can I be tired ..
I've slept through my whole life
Just woke up a few minutes ago
I was dreaming of you
How can I be tried ..
My crime's no more than folly
Ridiculed life of fantasy
Too long dreaming of you
How can I retire ..
Give up now after seeing light
And still won't open my eyes
I can't stop dreaming of you
What more can I try ..
I'll give it up instead
Fold my thoughts and ponder
And keep on dreaming of you
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
dec9.94
mary had a little lamb
its fleece was white as snow
she plucked out its eyes
and named it pete
it had a shitty life
even for a sheep
but sometimes
that's just how things go
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
"always leaves" nov2.94
the smell of the dead leaves
and the sun crisp my
knows you love to smell the flowers
and sugar and spice and everything old is
knew you loved the flowers but they all
dyed your hair the colour of the box
cars got lost in the snow cones
underground parking in the winter
of the snow where you can
see your breath and see your breasts
and your nipples are hard-wired
reactionary forces, touch the flowers
and they die-cast metal cars in
the snowball corners
smarties at the corner storybook
mouse on a sunday morning with fresh
bread on a sundry mourning glory
and the snow is coming, coming, coming
oh god it's coming and the dead leaves smell
leaves every time, they always leave
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
"steak in your heart" oct3.94
And the green tile reflects my concern
As your distant moans echo my thoughts
All given up for a steak in your heart
Baked poato with
Corns on my feet hurt
I've been pacing up and down the
Brick walls that guard your
Soles of my feet hurt
I've been tracing all round the
Lines on your foreheard and around your blue
I's the one who fucked up, silly me
Caught between darkness and
Light, fluffy baked potatoes with creamy
Butter you up, flatter you
Flat or curved, fogged plate glasses
Plates on the table, steak in your heart
After the candles and dinner we'll have some
Desert me after it all, with the candles
And hurt me and burn me and wax me with candles
And smite me and slap me and stuff me with candies
How do you think you can fuck me around
And lick me and suck me and blow out the candles
Leave me raw, rank, bloody and lifeless
Meat on the grill, steak in your heart
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
sep23.94.10:11p
I try to look on the bright side but the sun's already set
And there it goes, rising again
shining through the faded green pop bottle
on your window ledge
What's so good about goodbye?
Where's the fair in farewell?
I can't say so long since it all seemed so short
I wonder
No more fried rice by candle-light
Or naked guitar in the smoky darkness
Dashes for the bus through windy snowfall
Jogging through the night to first find you
The petals all fell off the roses I gave you
You blew out the candles and left me in smoke
And what's so good about goodbye?
Show me the fair in farewell
It's been so long and I still can't forget you
I wander ...
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
the.road.33 jul6.94
On the road to somewhere I found you
We talked a while and enjoyed the view
Watched the signs and saw the sights
You told me the road ahead was rough
Full of potholes and hairpin turns
But in our time together, you never steered me wrong
You made it a thrilling and memorable ride
We shared the journey as one for a while
But our different goals were always in mind
I could see the fork in the road approach
Someone waiting to meet you up ahead
I had a rendezvous as well, with someone yet unknown
With one last race to the hills, we kissed
Said goodbye and I wished you well
I saw you trail off into the distance
I headed into the sun, met with headwinds and rain
Our little trip stuck in my mind as the best I'd had
But I knew there was somewhere I had to go
Like you always said, it's hard to drive somewhere
Without having a destination in mind
As I said, when I leave I don't know what I'm hoping to find
And when I leave, I don't know what I'm leaving behind
When I left you behind, I knew it couldn't be forever
On the way to something I saw you again
My journey continues, and yours is almost done
You're happy and I'm proud of you
Thank you for the time together ...
And thanks for lending me your map
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
3:24a / mar21.94
i sit here shivering in the cold early morning
feeling completely out of sorts
on the fringes of my own defenses
trying to make sense of it all
my body and mind join the revolution
they take up arms against my confidence
soldiers in a battle fought by many
in a war started beyond the borders of my memory
each successive struggle claims another piece
a worn battle to save my wonder for the world
my innocence and naivete dismantled
in a blaze of glory, ashes from the fires of passion
after each battle i treat the wounded inside
set up new defenses and redraw the borders
and you like all others managed to pull down the wall
roll past my front line with beguiling ease
each player - a double agent
caring enough to elevate, careless enough to fall
each aware of the rules and procedures
but seemingly ignorant of the casualties
for me to trust again would not be unreasonable
my inner battalion negotiates peace with your people
but such fragile armistice is near always short-lived
and as history repeats itself, i shall again be betrayed
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
(isl.cg.wait.845p) mar6.94
I'm your silly putty -
Take me out of my plastic shell
Stretch me out of shape
Make that face you know so well
And squish me like a grape
I'm your silly putty
Crumple me up all over again
Roll me into a ball
Giggle and chuckle, it's SO much fun
Bounce me off the wall
I'm your silly silly putty!
Hours of fun for a girl like you
I'm durable, cheap and strong
All the things that we can do
Don't expect it to last too long
Baby i'm your SILLY putty!!
Press me against your favorite comic
Hey, I look just like him now!
Distort me, twist me how you want
I'm sure you know just how
I'm your silly fuckin' putty, honey!
Back in my shell to keep me fresh
(Un-silly putty's no better than dead)
Move on to your next toy to play with
Maybe you need a slinky instead
Silly! Putty! Silly silly putty, yeah.
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )
Spring / mar4.94
My melancholy betrays the season.
What right have I to despair
When such beauty surrounds me?
Engulfs me and threatens to swallow me
From the cold and bitter months
We emerge into a warm gentle thaw.
I'm nearly blinded by the sudden brightness,
And the stunning beauty around moves me to cry.
I shall not weep -- it is spring, I am happy
A season of growth, my world is reborn
My world melts, a thaw, a flood.
My tears cleanse me, wash away residue of winter
I emerge from my hibernation to meet my new world
Bleary, weary, wary and aware
I squint to peer at the glory all 'round
And I cry again at a realization of the past
I fall to the moist, still-cold earth
My knees sink with my mood and
Just as quickly I rise to the sun
And inhale sharply, taking in the new air
I want to play in the park but fear the mud
I want to walk the streets but fear the rain
I want to live but fear to die
I want to love but fear to lose
My anguish is out of theme -- it is spring,
I am happy for now, I live, I love, I see
But soon enough comes summer. Then fall.
Then winter. But for now I smile.
( Choose another ) ( Back to Xan Page )